Marriage

Brother Ron preached a motivational sermon yesterday. About marriage. We are starting the "Fireproof" series at church.
I think that no matter how long you've been married, you can't outgrow the wisdom and learning that comes from a good marriage study. Dean and I haven't done a marriage study in a while (I teach and he doesn't want to come to my Ladies-only Sunday School class...?!!!). In listening to the message yesterday, I was thinking,

"Okay...it's simple. I need LOVE and Dean needs RESPECT. So...WHO GOES FIRST???!!!!"

Brother Ron taught us something I'd never considered. It's from Ephesians 5:21...

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"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

He said that is the FIRST command God gives us in this passage about marriage. The reason I found that verse so interesting is that the ever raging debate on women submitting to their husbands is forever a hot topic. One that I have struggled with through the years. What Brother Ron pointed out about that verse, is that before ANYTHING else, God says for the married man and wife to submit to each other. He explained how the man and wife are EQUAL. That God made us equal. But just as there is a "head" of the church, and a "head" of a company, the man is the "head" of the marriage. The man is the leader. He leads...he doesn't beat the wife into submission or make decisions just because he can. He's the leader. And I can tell you something about leaders...good leaders never ask something of their charges that they aren't willing to do themselves.

Bro Ron also said that even though Christ and God are equal and in essence, the same...Christ was submissive to God's plan for saving His people.

Back to my original question.

WHO GOES FIRST? When you're in an argument and can't even remember what you were arguing about to begin with...who does the right thing first? When you feel neglected as a wife or a husband feels disrespected...who makes the first step towards correcting the problem?

I'm not sure if Brother Ron actually put this into words, but I'm gonna say it...

If the husband is the head of the marriage (and he is), then he is also in charge of "going first"!!!

He's the one who has to stop and make sense of where things are in the marriage and home...FIRST. HOWEVER, Ladies...there is a huge difference in the man being "head" of the household, and Christ being "head" of the church. Christ has never and will never make mistakes. Our husbands (have &) will TOTALLY screw things up!!! WHY? Because they aren't perfect, like our Christ is! Therefore, you can't expect your husband to be perfect when God says NOBODY is perfect.
It's like being a Mom. God gave you these great kids, right? You're the boss...in charge...the "head" of your crew of kids. Does that mean that you ALWAYS get it right? HA! Truth be known, so many of us feel guilty because as Moms, we screw up constantly. So why lay the same expectation on your husband that you can't fulfill yourself?

Yes, I know our men can be unreasonable. I know they can be ugly and complain about how much we eat and how much we weigh. I know they need and want sex sometimes without considering that we need and want to be held. I know the TV moves them more than your nightie does sometimes. I know they fail to do housework, and they fail to help with the kids. When somebody is sick at 3am, our men sleep while we get up and take care of the mess. I know all that.
Before I go further, I must give credit where it's due. My husband helps around the house. He helps with the kids. He holds me and rubs my hair. And he's not that in to the tv. And even though there are times I want to hit him in the head with a frying pan, I love him more than I can describe and we have a good marriage relationship. He definitely has his faults, but they generally don't lie in these areas.

Think about yourself as a Mom...a wife...a friend. Do you have faults? When was the last time you chose your favorite show over reading a book to your child? When was the last time your child sat at the table and ate with their bro/sissy or by themselves? Do they know about Jesus? Girls, while it is the responsibilities of both parents to interact with their children, MOMS generally have the heavier duty. Let me ask you this...when's the last time you had a "special night" with your man? When's the last time you chose the computer or tv over talking to God or reading His Word? You can't blame ANY of that on your husband. No matter what...your relationship with God is YOUR responsibility!

I can tell you some real "faulty" things about Dean. He wears his boots on the carpet. He throws his dirties on the floor. His idea of love is for me to keep the house sparkling clean...which I work hard to do, but not necessarily for love (?!). When he gets frustrated, he yells. He has little patience. And when he's tired, he's almost impossible.

But honestly...I've got more hang-ups than the phone company, so I can't complain!
Dean is a hard worker who is loyal to God and his family. He's faithful. He doesn't sit around talking about the solution to a problem...he just DOES it. He clears the kids out every Sunday afternoon, so I can watch football all day long. He pitches in with the dishes sometimes. He is always looking to present different experiences to our kids (sheep/chickens/pigs/gardening/baking...you name it!). Dean is a giver. And he typically doesn't require a "given" for his giving. He loves God...feels unworthy of his blessings...and works hard to let God know how much he appreciates those blessings.

There are so many other things that I could tell you about Dean...on both sides. The point of this blog is TOTALLY not to glorify Dean, myself, or our marriage.

Heaven knows in a year of dating and 13 years of marriage, where we are now has been a progression.

The point of this blog is for you to have a better understanding of God's plan for marriage. Not YOUR plan. Marriage involves equality and a mutual submission. It involves love and respect. And the most important thing about marriage is your relationship with God. After all...He invented marriage. And wouldn't you want to know the plan for marriage from the Creator of marriage?

I hope that you'll check out the new movie "Fireproof". It's a Godly perspective on marriage, in an exciting movie format. And no matter how long you've been married or how old you are, God is STILL the only One who knows everything.