Memories

Scarlett and Anna went bowling last Saturday. Their friend, Cade, had a bowling birthday party for his 7th birthday, and the girls had LOTS of fun!

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Anytime I mention Anna, I have 2 immediate thoughts...

"I love her Mother" and "I'm so glad that Scarlett and Anna have each other".

I remember growing up and not having a friend that lived near me. It was the one thing that I feel like I "missed out on" as a little girl....and as a big girl. We always lived out in the middle of the sticks. My childhood memories, while filled with pleasantries of all kinds, do not include memories of running in and out of the neighbors house with some friend who was my age. They do not include memories of me hanging out with the neighborhood kids or walking next door to borrow an egg when Mom needed one.

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Basically, they include lots of family memories. And those family memories will give the neighborhood memories, a run for their money sometimes!

I remember times when my younger brother and I would poke each other in the eye for fun...REALLY! Summer days spent swimming in the algae filled pool in our back yard in Polk County (HEY!...ponds have algae!), because we didn't have enough water to operate the pool properly. And what about those water issues, anyway? Ah, the memories! Of very cold winters settling in to burst the pipes, leaving us with no running water in the house. Occasions (many) when we had to dip pool water out in a pot and boil it in order to take a bath. Memories of my brother scooping handfuls of change from Mama's pocketbook and flushing it down the toilet because he liked to watch it billow up in the toilet water (sorry Jonathan!). And I'll NEVER forget this incident:

In the sweltering heat of the summer, when my brother and I were approximately 4 and 12 (respectfully), Mama would move us into the guest bedroom on the main level of our log home. We didn't have central heat or air, so the upstairs would turn into a sauna during the summertime. In the guest bedroom, we could actually cool off a few degrees in order to sleep. Daddy always said night-night prayers and put us to bed, with the threat of a beatin' if we dared to get up.

So there we were...2 little kids with nothing to do but go to sleep. The cute little brother who adored his older sister. The older sister who looked for ways to get the annoying little brother in trouble (unbeknownst to the little brother at that time). One night, as we laid in the bed giggling, I came up with a most brilliant idea.

I was thirsty.

"Jonathan" I whispered.

"Huh?"

"Jonathan, I'm thirsty" I said.

"So?" cute little brother replied.

"SOOOoooo...I need you to get me a glass of water" I snickered.

"NO!!!...Daddy will spank me!" the little monster replied.

"No, no...he won't know that you're getting it" I deceptively suggested to him, "because you're little enough to go into the kitchen without being seen...he won't even see you".

"Yes he will! And Daddy will spank me!"

"Jonathan...do you want ME to get a spanking?" I asked, "He'll definitely see me! Just be very quiet and take this glass to the sink and fill it up with water. If you tiptoe back, Daddy will never know." I held my breath so he wouldn't realize how hard I was laughing on the inside...

"Jonathan...pllllleeeeeeaaaaase?".

While little brother considered this, I added..."I'm sooooo thirsty".

"You won't tell Daddy, will you?" that sweet little innocent preschooler asked.

"NO!!!!" I coughed to hide my horse-laughter, "and Jonathan"

"Yes?"

"Fill it all the way up to the top, because I'm very thirsty!"

So very silently, Jonathan got out of the bed, took the glass (that Daddy always sat on the nightstand for us to have a sip of water out of), and proceeded to creep into the kitchen. Did I mention that the glass already had a little bit of water in it? The kitchen had linoleum floors, and the guest room was right off of the kitchen. So I knew that Jonathan, in his footy pajamas, would not be heard.

I held my breath as he crept over to the kitchen sink. I watched with bated breath as he stood on tippy-toes and silently pushed up the spicket lever and slowly filled the glass. And when he turned around, water sloshing gently over the sides, I knew I would remember this for as long as I lived.

Jonathan crept silently back to our room, and as his pj clad foot touched the door frame, I screamed as LOUD as I could, "JONATHAN'S OUT OF THE BED!!!"

Little brother screamed and immediately started crying as we heard Daddy thunder back towards our room. The glass of water was inadvertently splashed backwards, as his little hand jerked back in startled shock from my warrior cry.

As Daddy reached the door, I laid stock still in the bed while Jonathan stood there crying. It was an award winning moment! And one I'll never forget.

I don't remember getting a spanking that time, and Daddy can hardly remember that incident, considering all that Jonathan and I got into as children. But that story is told and re-told at nearly every gathering that our family has. And just like always happens, 2 days from now, we'll be crying from laughter as we re-tell the crazy memories we made being a family "way back then".

I guess that explains why I'm not really concerned that my own children are growing up out in the sticks. The memories they'll have of all the crazy stuff they do together "down on the farm" will never be matched by riding bikes in a cul-de-sac somewhere.

Anna & Scarlett's memories will be an extension of our family memories.

And there's just no place like home...

The Revealing Light

The front of our house faces East. So in the mornings, when the Sun is shining in it's blinding brilliance, it boldly invades my home.

A habit I have established in the morning is to "pick up". Pick up the odds and ends in the kitchen/dining room left by my sleepy eyed children as they ate breakfast. Once they are off to school, it's "pick up" time.

As I was fulfilling that daily ritual (hourly ritual sometimes!!!) this morning, God showed me some dirt. Literally. By the light of the bulb, I couldn't really see it. Nor could I see it by the light of regular day. But in the brilliance of the sunlight, I was appalled! I could plainly see every speck of food, crumbs, and dirt, scattered over my kitchen floor. I could see dust. I could see hand prints and smears on the glass door leading to the sunroom. Knowing the diminishing sight that comes with the fading brilliance of the sun, I rushed around trying my best to clean, before the light was gone.

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I remembered a truth that God had told me back when Tyler was 2. I was cleaning the kitchen floor one morning then, too. God said:

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"See all that dirt that you've never noticed? You can only see that by MY light. You'll never be able to clean up all the dirt in your life, until you stand before Me."

That truth resonates today.

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Most of you know that I'm a freak about keeping things in their place. In fact, I've been on medication for OCD. Currently, I am not taking it (which is good for Dean's clean house-HA!). I vacuum the whole upstairs everyday. I constantly "pick up". I'm also a freak about clutter. It goes in it's place or it goes in the garbage can! And the Goodwill people just love to see us pull up! If we can't use it...I know they can!!! Bags and bags of stuff. It can't stay here! It has to GO!

So it makes sense that for the most part, our home is clean. Not perfect...not as clean as some of yours may be, but definitely clean for having 7 people living in it! We like clean, clutter-free living.

BUT...in looking at the mess that was obvious to my sight this morning, I was mortified! And I realized God speaking. And He said:

"Not only can't you get all the dirt in your life taken care of, you can't even SEE it outside of My brilliant light. Therefore remember...I see all aspects of your heart. All the hurts and all the joys. I see the disappointments. I see the pain. I also see the solution to any trial that enters your life. I see things you will never be able to see. So trust Me. Trust in My heart and My love for you. And out of respect for My love for you, trust and obey what I tell you to do. Because that will bring an understanding far beyond your ability to obtain on your own. Then go and minister that truth to others. You'll never even SEE the dirt...the imperfections...the error of your own thinking...much less be able to change it. But I see it and I will use it to My glory. And to the benefit of others. And to the benefit of your own self. In obedience, don't give up on the things you can't change. But out of your love for Me, obediently change the things you CAN see."

God is awesome. He is Holy. He is trustworthy. He is righteous. He is sovereign.

He is.

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And no amount of dirt in your life stands a chance when revealed in His glorious light of truth.

Happy Thanksgiving. And to God be the glory forever. Amen.

He's In The Details...

I'm so excited! My mind has been blown yet again by Him. My God!!!! He's simply...mindblowing!!!

A precious Lady photographer in our MOPS group photographed our family after church yesterday. She posted a few of the pictures on her blog tonight. I'm amazed.

In talking with Hope, she shared some perspective with me about her photography work. And her passion to do it for the glory of God. I love to hear people tell their story. As we stood in my driveway yesterday, I was so encouraged to hear her speak of God as though He whispers to her and tells her specifically how to use her gifts for Him.

He really does whisper to us.

Unless of course, we don't pay Him any attention. Then...He yells! Something I know about first hand. But that's a different blog on a different night!

Guess what else He tells us...? How to use our gifts to bless His heart...and the hearts of others. I can't tell you just how much my heart has been blessed with Hope's pictures. The sheer joy in her obediance to Him has surely spilled over the sides of God's gigantic heart, and into my emotional one! For when He tells you how to use the gifts that HE gave you to begin with...He's actually telling you the way it was meant to be. The way He created it to be. And the details of the gifted actions from an obediant heart are overwhelming.

In a good way, of course!

Ooooooo! I love the details!

The graceful sheep that He created, being observed by the tiny toddler that He carefully formed.

Meme, the sheep, being watched by the miracle little girl that God made healthy and normal.

The two love-birds that God joined together and created a family around, enjoying an afternoon in the sunshine.

And all of that from the eye of a gifted photographer and the Holy perspective of God.

Simply breathtaking.

And I'll be sharing them with you soon...

But until then, here's a preview: http://daisymayphotographybyhope.blogspot.com/

God Bless You & remember throughout your Tuesday...God is in the details!

The Lord Giveth...and The Lord Taketh Away!

The Lord giveth...I've recently blogged about the loss of 3 of our 4 cats, all within an 8 day period. Brillo had his spined snapped by the dog, Frisk was apparently hit by a car, and Shadow disappeared...The Lord taketh away.

We've explored possibilities of where Shadow may have run off to. We say that he "ran off", so as to avoid an ugly scene with Savannah, who could much better handle her cat running off to a house where he could stay indoors, than she could if he had been maimed somehow. So...Shadow has run off and is living "high on the hog" in our minds!

In pondering this, we never really thought that he might go to our neighbors across the pasture. That's a little too far to travel for Shadow, so we've assumed that he would cross the road to get to the "greener pasture".

One night a couple of weeks ago, I was sitting here playing on Ebay, when my husband hollared out to me from the garage.

"Hey Carmen!"

"Yep?"

"I found Shadow, but I didn't find him" he says.

"So what does that mean?" I ask.

"Well...I was out at the barn and picked up this cat...and it looks identical to Shadow, but I don't think it's Shadow."

"Okay...let me take a look" I say.

"If I can get him!" Dean says, "He just ran under the truck"

So after dragging the cat out from under the truck, I began to giggle. When I sat the cat down, I started laughing. This cat DID look identical to Shadow, but he was obviously smaller, and his demeanor was NOT like Shadow's. After confirming to my darling husband that this was indeed NOT Shadow, we got a good laugh! Poor Daddy was trying to find Savannah's cat for her.

When Savannah came out to check the cat out in the garage, she looked at it for a minute, turned, and ran back into the house crying!

So much for poor 'ole Daddy trying to be helpful!!!

All I could do was horse-laugh!!!!

Dean took the cat back outside (in the pooring rain, mind you), where it "escaped" from his hands at the gate. We've not seen it since. And we've not found Shadow, either.

The Lord giveth...I'm ready to get rid of the one last cat that we've managed not to "lose". It stays under my feet everytime I step out of the door. And it always tries to run into the house. I hate that. Maybe Honey will go off and find Shadow. And stay out of my hair!

In the mean-time, Daddy can look all he wants to.


But sometimes you gotta be glad when The Lord taketh away!

Coffee, Anyone?

The most amazing thing happened yesterday.

Luke discovered coffee.

In a big...messy way.










And when he gets into something, he really gets into it!

A little bit like his Mother.








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I've "discovered" more messes in my life than the average bear. Some have been easy cleanups and some haven't. Some have taught me valuable lessons, and others have taught me invaluable lessons. I'm so glad that God has not given up on me! Isn't that what we long for? Someone who will accept us for who we are, where we are, and make sense out of our mess...? Someone who loves us unconditionally, but refuses to allow our weaknesses to overtake us? Well, guess who that is..?!?

God.

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Just like my wonderful and relaxing side kick, Dyson, helped me make sense of Lukie baby's coffee discovery mess, God helps us make sense of life. And it's glorious surprises. And it's scummy disappointments. And just like I refrained from giving Luke his first serious butt-burning (he's only 23 months, after all!), God refrains from taking His majestic hand and rubbing us from existence. Not only does He NOT give us what we deserve, but He teaches us valuable lessons along the way, and gives us opportunities to "get it right".

I love my God!!! It's nothing short of a miracle that He could change the heart AND attitude of one like me.

God totally wants us to let go of our issues and let Him do His business. Remember...our weakness will be made strong in Him. Our problems are NO MATCH for God.

So the coffee was no match for Dyson! He made small work out of a big mess. I'm so glad I have him for a friend.

Even if he IS only a vacuum cleaner.

Tiny Blessings

Brrr! It's cold outside! This 34 degree weather is cold to the average East Tennessean.

As I was driving along this morning, I couldn't help but be thankful. I dropped the gang off at Copper Ridge, and headed into town to take baby Luke to the doctor. He received his 12 month old shots at the ripe old age of 23 months! You're welcome to call it "slack" on his Mother's part!!! We had made several appointments this time last year, but he had a cold or an ear infection, etc...and they don't like to administer the shots if the baby is not feeling good.

So we got to Dr. Teaster's office and checked in.
The nurse weighed and measured my little doll, and he's in the 25% of kids his age. He's small. Dr. Teaster came in to examine him for his 2 year check-up, which they decided to go ahead and do today (maybe they figured they wouldn't see us again until he's 3!!!), and Luke didn't want anything to do with him OR the nurse. Could he have possibly known what was in his future? That they would stick him in the finger and in the legs? Hmmm...
Anyway, Doc said that Luke is growing, and as long as he stays in the 25% or higher, he's healthy and fine. He does have the beginnings of an ear infection, but it's not bad and he is now on antibiotic.

Back to the thankful part.

As I was coming home with my precious little package, I had to reflect on where I thought I'd be a couple of years back. I was planning on having my days all alone. Maybe I would work part-time. Maybe I would take a class somewhere. Maybe...

Never in my wildest dreams was I thinking that I'd be an almost 39 year old woman with a 2 year old...boy. I was done with all that! Done with diaper duty. Done with teething and slobbering. Done with fussy little people. Done.

But God had another plan. I had no idea, but He knew. He knew what He would call me to do next. He knew there was a special job that I was to begin when I left my wonderful job at church on December 25th, 2005. During Spring Break 2006, I discovered at least part of that plan, when I realized that I was pregnant. Our lives were getting ready to change again! Another baby! And as I spent the next 9 months struggling with what this experience was supposed to bring to our family and to my own daily life, God was moving in a big way. Preparing me. Preparing us.


Then came MOPS! And the rest is being lived out as I type! But not only did God call up a new and inspiring ministry in my life, He gave me this little person. This little "dude" that I wasn't at all sure I would enjoy as much as my other children, because after all...I've got FOUR other children...and who has anything left after caring for THAT MANY KIDS???!!!

The "dude" is Thomas Luke, and he has brought so much more than I imagined to our family. He has kept me going on mornings when I didn't want to get out of bed. Mornings when I felt so overwhelmed that I wanted to crawl underneath the mattress and turn into a greasy spot. He has pounced on me, slobbered on me, and pulled my hair! He has demanded my attention.
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And gotten it!

He's precious. And I am so thankful that God gave him to us. I'm thankful that I have a big 'ole warm Suburban for him to ride in, and to take the gang to school in. I'm thankful that we can afford the gas to drive it. I'm thankful that Dr. Teaster is a good and trustworthy doctor. I'm thankful for a neighbor who is "real"...she doesn't pretend to be fine when she's not. I'm thankful that I have the opportunity to help her the way she always helps others. I'm thankful for my older son, who is so helpful w/our family, & who I know is there for me (I'm always here for you, too, Ty...I'm wrapped!). I'm thankful for my 3 daughters who make the days interesting in a way that only girls can do! I'm thankful that I'm not pressed for time today or any day. I'm thankful that I have my time at home for Luke and for myself, so I can be better prepared to serve my family the way that they need (I'm not perfect, mind you, but I do serve them). I'm thankful that my kids can come home and have that time together at home before dinner and bedtime. And I'm thankful for my husband who supports this lifestyle.

And we don't have a complicated lifestyle at all. Most of you know by now, that my husband either pays cash or we do without. And yes, I'm thankful for that.

I'm just wondering as I sit here, how many times are we truly thankful for the basic necessities God provides for us? There are so many who struggle with the basics. Some by their own bad choices and some are not as fortunate as the average person.

We are doing, as Dave Ramsey says, "better than we deserve".

As we celebrate Thanksgiving next week, we should realize that this season isn't the only time for us to be thankful. God gives to us all year! And the next time He touches your heart while you're driving into town...or out to eat...or to Grandma's house...maybe you should say thank You to the One who has given the most.

And thank You to the One who has given the tiniest of blessings...

Mindless Blog-Another Friendship Survey

You may know that I love filling out these silly surveys! If you've ever sent one to me...you probably listed "Carmen" beside the question that asked who would respond the quickest...or who would respond at all!!!! I think it's sooooo interesting to read these about my friends. I've learned things about people that I've been friends with for YEARS by reading these things! This ones for Lisa (would this be considered a homework assignment for Logan & Nolan?)...

I hope you enjoy a mindless blog for a change!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!

Another Friendship Survey

1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? yes...what's odd about that?

2. Do you own a gun? nope...but Dean has a government stock of them, so don't drop your toe off onto our property...HAHAHAH!!! Okay, I'm kidding...

3. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks? The Mac Daddy Peppermint Mocha (and a molasses cookie)

4. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee

5. Do you do push ups? Are you smokin' something???? Too much exercise KILLS!!!

6. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My diamond ring...it's really big and leaves a mark...

7. Favorite hobby? Reading, reading, reading, reading, reading, did I say I love reading????

8. Do you have A.D.D? To hear my husband tell it...

9. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? My ability to consume large amounts of food without being hungry.

10. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: This survey is so mindless and frivolous that it's funny, my arms are cold, I need a nap

11. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, water, coffee, water

12. Current worry right now? That I'll be overweight the rest of my life.

13. Current hate right now? That I'm overweight.

14. Favorite place to be? at home

15. Do you like to travel? Not if carpooling to school in my pajamas every morning constitutes as "traveling"

16. What color shirt are you wearing? Royal blue zip jacket

17. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I'm in a coma on satin sheets

18. Can you whistle? yep

19. Favorite color? any shade of green

20. If you could, would you be a pirate? depends on how much money I'd make

21. What song do you sing in the shower? You get to bathe?

22. Favorite girl's name? SumVannaScarletta, of course! I know it's a mouthful, but hey...

23. Favorite boy's name? CharlesTylerThomasLuke...

24. What's in your pocket right now? lint

25. Favorite bedsheets as a child? Children are supposed to have bed sheets????

26. Worst injury? oh yes...the time I turned on the intercom during baccalaureate at my Dad's high school...worse beatin' I ever got!

27. Do you love where you live? Yes.

28. How many TVs do you have in your house? 3

29. Who is your loudest friend? Actually I have three...me, myself, & I

30. How many pets do you have? Do children count...okay then...14

31. Does someone have a crush on you? Yep...the greasy Walmart clerk in Halls

32. What is your Favorite Book? How to raise your kids without snuffing out their life...okay/okay...I'm joking. Ha, ha.

33. What's your favorite candy? Kit Kat/3 musketeers

34. Favorite Sports Team? CAROLINA PANTHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

35. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? My body hurts...

Realness

This morning, I was talking with my neighbor and Friend, Erica Hansard, on the phone.
A word about Erica...

She's such a giver! She's the kind that makes you want to take your milk money and purchase a sparkly bottle of nail polish to give to her! Water's good for you, anyway...right? I can't count the times she's walked out to my 'burb on a cold fall morning with coffee in hand to give to me as I dutifully take my turn in our carpool...or the time she brought me coffee to the consignment sale. And how about moving my 'burb when I had it parked in the "no parking" area at THE consignment sale?!..Erica actually enjoys doing for others.

(Pics are of Anna & my Scarlett...
they are best friends)

She is, however, not perfect.

One of the things I love about her is that she's "for real". I've got a yucky taste in my mouth for people who can't be themselves. Who cares if your house isn't perfect or if you just put another pump knot on your husband's head with the frying pan...or you have a bad hair day? A "really" bad hair day...? Not Erica! I don't have to be "perfect" to be her friend. She accepts me as I am...pajamas and all. And she wears hers, too. Real pajamas.

Reminiscent of a couple of other longtime and precious friendships come to mind...late night heart-to-hearts over several pots of coffee, etc. Real coffee. And even friendships involving tears over the latest boyfriend. Real tears.
So this morning, we were babbling away on the phone ( a real tired phone) when Erica excitedly informs me that her husband bought her a new ball cap. She even describes the color of the cap. That almost made me wet my britches. See...Erica values her ball caps for those days when she doesn't wash her hair, but throws on a cap to cover the grease. I HORSE-laughed her this morning!!!! One of those things that you know about a person, yet when you least expect it...you get a deeper perspective on their value of it. Real perspective.

Thus...the ball cap.
I've never been a ball cap girl. I know others who are ball cap girls. They throw on their sweats/jeans and a ball cap, and they're good to go. Not without their makeup being PERFECT, however. But that's another blog on another day.

I am a greasy ponytail type girl. Just brush it all back, into a ponytail, squeeze the grease out into a black iron pan for use later on...glue all those escapee strands to your head with hairspray...then go. Not without perfect makeup most of the time, however. People will tend to view you as someone important because of your neat, glued-on hairdo and your upgraded jeans/sweater look. But as for all those ball cap girls...

It's obviously a bad hair day.
Now why would you want to be that obvious? Well...if you're as cute as Erica is...nobody cares. Once you see that big smile pop out on her face...you think she's promoting a new style! And most folks wouldn't guess just how slicked-back her hair really is on a ball cap day, because she wears her ball cap like she wears a jacket. She makes it look like it's supposed to be there...and not to hide an oil-change, either.
And after I shared my "ball cap" moment...using fishing wire as a slide necklace for my slide pieces of jewelry...SHE about wet HER pants!

Oh...what's a little honesty among friends, eh?




Just make sure you change your pants...

Truth-Perception-Reality-Suicide

I love to observe issues. And I'm not talking about political issues, religious issues (although a good healthy debate of the Bible is what I call "a good time"!), or financial issues.

I'm talking about people issues. Relationship issues. Spiritual issues. And HEY! Before we go further...let me say that any issues you have or struggle with...are spiritual issues. Our problems, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, all are traced back down to this solid truth:

the status of our relationship with Christ...or lack of one.

They are ALL spiritual issues. Throw up ANY issue, and I'll show you where it's a spiritual issue.

God says we need Him...period. Since He created us, He would be the One to fulfill our needs. And when we don't allow Him to do so, we have what we think of as "issues" or "problems". Now HEAR ME when I say that this truth doesn't mean that if we have a relationship with Christ...if we walk everyday with Jesus...if we're right with God...that all our issues will go away and our problems will be solved. THAT WON'T HAPPEN. AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING. But I AM saying that our issues...our problems...will look a little more like blessings than curses. Wanna know why?

Because with each challenge comes more knowledge, a changed perspective, and elements that build our character. We know more about God, we see things more clearly, and we better understand who we are and Who God is.

In comes the whopper....

Our mindset is forever altered.

PRAISE GOD!!! Praise Him from the depths of this Earth to the heights above!!!! We're not made perfect through our challenges, but we DO come closer to God's Truth. And by-the-way...God's Truth is so much higher than what He can actually reveal to us on this Earth, that we couldn't begin to comprehend a sliver of it...a glimpse of it. We can only be inspired by it and moved to do His work.

So is God's Truth black or white? Is there any gray mixed in?

DUDE!

God's Truth isn't colored at all. It's an eternity of glorious brilliance. White-hot Truth that completely astounds yet envelopes us in a secure faith that can't be explained with our Earthly vocabulary.

God's Truth is an experience that can't begin nor end in our wildest imagination. Nobody in existence is creative enough to imagine it and nobody breathing on this Earth can explain it.

God's Truth is an experience.

What's YOUR truth?

YOUR truth is the stuff that good murder mysteries are made of! YOUR truth is comically inaccurate. YOUR truth is amazingly entwined with every cell in your body. And YOUR truth is also your perception. As my Mother always says, "Perception is reality and reality is suicide".

That's an interesting thought.

What if my friends reality is wrong? Well...either it leads to the suicide of your friends character or it leads to the suicide of your relationship with your friend-hhahahahhaaaaaha!!!! Question is: Will you save your friend from the suicide of their character by standing for God's Truth?

That's an even more interesting thought.

Would you save yourself from the suicide of your own character by recognizing, embracing, and living out God's Truth?

Dude, that's a whole BAG of whoppers!

So many times, we compromise our character...we compromise our faith by opening our mouths. We have issues a lot of times because we open our mouths. We speak because we think it's our "right" to speak. And what we actually say is OUR TRUTH, not GOD'S TRUTH.

And that can be dangerous. In fact...it can be suicide.

How do we get out of that threatening mindset that OUR TRUTH IS REALITY? It's simple, actually.

Seek God.

In seeking God, you will be compelled to read the Bible. The Bible tells us the Truth. The Truth about God and the truth about ourselves, in as much as we can comprehend in this life. In seeking God, you will be compelled to fellowship with other believers. I'm talking about attending church. I'm also talking about attending Sunday School or a small group. That fellowship is invaluable in your ability to recognize God's Truth. Other people are just like you...they seek to find what's missing in life. They seek purpose. And when you fellowship with people who know God and want to know more about God, you'll be better able to change that mindset that YOUR reality is all there is.

In seeking God, you will be compelled to talk to God. Sometimes, we don't know how to pray. Prayer is simply communicating with God. You talk...sometimes you yell...sometimes you argue with Him. But His desire for you is that no matter what, you pray. Talk to Him. Since He's the Creator of Truth...the Creator of perspective...the Creator of perception...the Creator of REALITY...He can certainly change yours through prayer (talking to Him).

I believe that none of us will ever be able to see 100% truth on this Earth. We all have too much "ME" in our view. And since we're not perfect, we'll struggle to remove the "ME" factor. But without a doubt, we can overcome "ME" enough to hand over the reigns to Him. We can give Him our issues...our problems. He will help us to recognize the Truth in each & every situation. And He will change us. Slowly but surely.

Our mindset will be more open to God's Truth than to the devil's whoppers.

Hmmm...I'm hungry. I think I'll do the Lean Cuisine again today. Those stinkin' whoppers are only good when you're swallowing them.

After that, the ugly fat & calories take over.

Now THAT'S a reality!!!

**********This is your warning that this entry has only been made because I had to "get this out". I can't even make sense of it myself, so you may not want to read past this point. In all seriousness, your opinion of me may change after having read this. You may think that I really am crazy. And maybe I am. And at the risk of sounding pious...God is my absolute. And even putting that into words and recording it where someone could read it, grieves me. It grieves me. But for my own sanity, I must selfishly put this into words as best I can. All praise to Him. For I am not worthy. And if you don't understand the language that I am speaking...don't continue to read this. Because I can't explain it to you the next time I see you. I don't know how.**********

I don't know if I can even put into words the absolute truth that God has shared with me this morning.

It is so much bigger than me.

Let me say that this morning, God gave me a sliver of a glimpse into glory.

I am not worthy to have understood the truth that He revealed to me.

The best way I know how to describe it is that it's like when you've heard a spiritual truth 1,000 times in your life and you've even studied it and can teach it and can preach it and know it inside and out...and then...

God reveals it to you...and you can't believe that all those years of reading it, hearing it, teaching it, preaching it...KNOWING IT...have all been only a scratch of your understanding of it.

"It" is a spiritual truth. And the reason I'm so floored is that God did not stay His hand in revealing it to me this morning...rather He did stay His hand or I would not even be physically sitting here. And I know this because I know that in general, we can only handle a certain level of the revelation of His truth. Beyond that, we are so blown away that we can't exist on this planet anymore.

I know that it sounds like I have really lost my mind this time. But I haven't. I just can't explain what God did.

It's when you know how unworthy you are...and I don't mean unworthy in a specific sense. I mean unworthy in general, actually. But you know how unworthy you are, and how God has used you to bless His heart ANYWAY.

Along the lines of when the temple was being built and the people were praising and thanking God for giving them the gifts that they could give back to Him. They were saying how unworthy they were to be used to bless His heart. And they were thanking Him that He used them to bless His heart and others, anyway.

I want to say it's being sold-out for Christ. But that's so self-righteous that to use that terminology makes me sick. Because I'm only "sold out" for Him because He made me to be. So that didn't even come from me. I want to say it's a willingness to have these God-given gifts used by Him. But that sounds so pompous to my ears now, that I can't imagine saying it...or even thinking it. Because my willingness is not even my own.

I am a flake. A speck of dust. A lower than could ever be imagined, piece of humanity. But that's not what makes me feel bad. That's not what makes me know how incredible God really is.

It's getting a glimpse into His willingness to use me anyway. It's that glimpse mixed with my own regular knowledge that I'm unworthy that has completely blown my mind this morning. It has taken my breath. To know these things and have that tiny look from Him into myself and how He has chosen me for Himself anyway...I can't put it into words.

And you know what? It absolutely has nothing to do with bad choices I've made in the past or any ugliness in my heart towards somebody else or anything even remotely like that. It has to do with the fact that I was BORN that way...I was BORN into sin. I was BORN unworthy already...and no sin I chose to add to that, made it any worse, and no good decision I've made since birth has improved upon that except the decision I made to give my heart and life to Christ.

That He would use me ANYWAY. In spite of my unworthiness...the unworthiness I was born with...has blown my mind today.

I don't want to talk about it. But I don't want to forget the insight that He revealed to me.

And here's my prayer, which I don't even have accurate words to express:

God,
I am so unspeakably unworthy. My request that you use me to bless YOUR heart, I am not worthy to make. The very request, God. Not because I think I'm a bad person or because I lack confidence in myself. Those are only add-ons. But because I see and know how utterly powerless I am to bring anything to you of value. And to top that off, You GAVE me things to bring to You that are worthy. Do you understand that, God? Of course You do....because no matter how gibberish any of my words are, and no matter how I may try to explain it to You...You already know. And You know what You've done to me this morning. This very day. And you know I can't describe it...I can only blabber in a way that seems like foolish nothingness to anyone who may read it. I was "sold out" for Christ before. I was willing before. AND I WAS SAVED, before. But now...I am obligated to You with ever fiber of my being, Lord. In a way that I don't even understand. And in this moment of my life, all I can think to do is say "Thank You". As pathetically insufficient as that is. There's not even a picture that I can post that's worthy enough to describe this particular blog. That glimpse is far beyond what we think humility is. Because when we think we are humble, we are nowhere close. And the crazy thing is that I can't think of anything that led up to the point in which You opened Heaven's door to Your Truth to allow me to see that tiny sliver. In studying You this morning...and only beginning with my pathetic description of humility and prayers of humility, can I even think of a starting point for why you would reveal that sliver to me. And to explain any of this is beyond my capabilities. Because I can't even understand it. Much less explain it. All I know is that I have to write it out. And maybe I can function past this very minute.

Thank You God.

And to anyone who has dared to read this entry up to this point...I post this advice...

Anything you ever attempt or do for God that blesses others or blesses His heart has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. And others will think it at least has your name attached. But it doesn't. Our ability to even take a breath is not our own ability. And I can tell you this...I will never ever get over my devotion to my God. And it hurts to even say that because I know someone will think I'm being self-righteous. But I only have that devotion because God gave it to me. It is entirely His doing and has nothing to do with my lame attempt at using His gifts. Not my flesh and bones. Not my eyes...not my mind...not my will...not my existence..and certainly not my name. And anything that I am currently a part of, in an attempt to bring glory and honor to Him, is something that I don't even want you to remember my name with. Only remember "that girl that desperately wanted to do something for Him". In fact don't even remember that it was a girl. And only use His Name to talk about it.

Only use His Name and His Existence...His Will...His Mind...His Eyes...His Flesh & Bones to describe the success of any attempts made to bring glory and honor to Him. Because guess what? The very idea that any creation could bring glory and honor to The Creator...the very idea is His. And every attempt towards that goal, is His. And every ounce of success, glory, and honor is His. We are His, if we lay ourselves down to actually be His. Face down. Not being able to credit ourselves with a 1/2 of a breath of doing anything on our own. And that goes against everything that you've ever been told, taught, done, understood, and believed. Because we're taught to have confidence in ourselves, right? We're taught to believe in ourselves, right? We're taught that if we study enough and try hard enough that we will make a great life for ourselves, right? If we work towards those goals, then we will be successful, right?

I charge you that all of those things will lead you only to experience the success that this world offers, and NOTHING...absolutely nothing that God actually has in store for you. And while we must do His work while we exist here. We must never be deceived into thinking that anything on this planet is anything compared to what we will experience when we leave this Earth, for those who love Him and really want to give up all that the Earth measures as successful...for what He has planned for us.

And how can I speak confidently of this? Because of that sliver. That revelation that I can't even accurately describe to you. This life hardly even holds a scratch of the mind blowing and firework exploding Truth that we will experience once it's gone.

I didn't die for a period this morning, coming back to you to blabber incoherently about what I saw. I'm not taking drugs...not even my OCD medicine right now. I'm not crazy. And I'm not contemplating any kind of big decisions concerning my life.

I am simply recording that I had a revelation this morning that I know came from God and that I can't put into words at all that would bring justice to being accurate to what He revealed to me.

So don't call a doctor. Don't call the luny bin. And don't read this entry over and over, trying to make sense of something that I can't even understand myself.

If you disregard my warning not to read this, to begin with...then all I can say is...forget who wrote this and forget where you saw it. Because I am not worthy.

But with all your understanding, live for Him. In as much as you can comprehend about your walk with Him...don't let anything petty OR anything you think is big, get in the way of serving Him. And know, in as much as you can comprehend this...know that everything you present pure-heartedly to God is just that...pure...and that it's accepted by Him and that it blesses His heart

(((((in the same way that our children can't understand how blessed we are by them in those times when they've presented something to us and we sit with tears rolling down our faces, not being able to make them understand how very much they've blessed our heart)))))

BECAUSE it came from Him in the first place.

I can't say anything else about it at this time.

Parental Authority versus Heavenly Authority

I’m diving in, I’m going deep

In over my head, I want to be

Caught in the rush, lost in the flow,

In over my head, I want to go

The river’s deep, the river’s wide,

The river’s water is alive

So sink or swim, I’m diving in.

I'm going deep, here...hang on!

My Mother and I had a long conversation today about our recent spat (A Life Lesson blog) and how God had given me a new perspective as a result, and how He has used that testimony to encourage others that I've shared it with.

In the course of this conversation, God brought another truth into my heart and mind that I must share.

In years past, when I struggled to keep my mouth and temper in check when dealing with my Mother, she would eventually bring up the point (after the boiler had settled down) that the Bible says to honor your Mother and Father. Even today, she pointed back to God's truth about honoring your Mother and Father (Ephesians 6:2). And while I believe she's right (honoring your Mother and Father is a command, not a request), I must beg to differ with her on one point. We'll call it...

Respectfully disagreeing.

Or maybe...it's a simple difference of perspectives (imagine that!!!).

God did command us to honor our parents. But quite honestly, that is not why I apologized to my Mother for being a jerk. I apologized because God called me into accountability TO HIM for my personal actions/reactions to that situation. God showed me where I was wrong, and then informed me that humbly apologizing to Mom was not required of me for her benefit, but for mine...because...my Mom is not my judge.

My Mom is not my ultimate Authority.

God is.

My Mom is human. She makes mistakes. She has weaknesses. She's not always right. So I can finger point with her until my finger muscles grow stiff...but at some point I still have to answer to my Father. The MAC DADDY Father of us all!

That would be God.

And guess what? He's perfect. He makes no mistakes. He has no weaknesses.

And He's always right! Here's my point...

I can argue and find fault with my parents all day long...that's easy because they're human and imperfect. But I can't find fault with my Heavenly Father at all...because He's perfect and is never wrong. Therefore, being accountable to my PERFECT HEAVENLY FATHER is a whole different sport than being accountable to my imperfect parents.

And when my Heavenly Father says, "What's your problem?"...I better 'fess up because He already knows, anyway. PLUS...He tells me that I am without excuse!

Try arguing with God. Try giving God time to "cool off" so HE can apologize to YOU. Try using His imperfections to justify your own reactions.

Try duking it out with The GOD of the universe and see what happens.

I can tell you what happens...

You lose.

God's love for you and me is PERFECT. His love for us does not have flaws or conditions. And because He is GOD...we are left without excuse. No arguments. No protests. No doubt!

When you're accountable to a holy and perfect God,

there IS no finger-pointing!

And when you stand before Him without excuse...it's humbling. To think that the same God Who gave up His only Son to die for you, is the same One that you stand before in utter disobedience, is heartbreaking and life-changing.

I didn't apologize to Mom because I was sorry about being hurt. I didn't even apologize to her because of Ephesians 6:2. I apologized to her because my first obligation and accountability lies with my Heavenly Father. When He says "You're wrong", He's says so while standing in the eternal position of being my ultimate Authority. And to disappoint Him...to step out in disobedience toward the One who loved me enough to send Jesus to die in my place...is crushing. It's unacceptable. Standing alone in His shadow, I see my ugly faults and even uglier attitude, quite clearly. No amount of pride, hurt feelings, or desire for justice compares.

How many times in the Bible, do you read about Jesus demanding justice when they beat Him to the point of being "barely recognizable as a man" (as described in Isaiah)? How many times did He call out to God in prideful indignation and demand for them to "make it right"?

Not once.

I can't help but wonder

how different our relationships would be

if we would live by this truth.

How much more we would comprehend about our own shortcomings and failures! How fewer times we would justify our actions/reactions based on someone else's treatment of us! How much less opportunity we would take to "save" our pride at the cost of our testimony for Christ.

Dude...

It's not about us. It's not even about that person to whom we reacted.

It's all about God.

No matter who's at fault...He still calls us to be righteous.

To be obedient.

And to honor our Mother and Father.

She Said What?!

There's a wonderful Bible passage that says "What does it do to gain the world and lose your soul?"...and I knew that in this moment in time, in my lifetime, I would have lost a piece of my soul had I not stood up for him.

This quote is from someone the world admires to a fault. In fact...it's someone the world is crazy about. It is...

Oprah Winfrey, commenting on her support of Barack Obama...the man we now know as our next President of the United States. And I hope he realizes that he is not in control.

Another blog on another day.

This is a prime example of how ungodly people twist God's Word.

So Oprah backs Obama...that's her prerogative. So she is racist...that's also her choice. But beware, folks! When we take God's precious Word and twist it up to fit our own agenda, we are parading around on very thin ice.

God's Word is NOT to be twisted, manipulated, or misinterpreted.

It's GOD'S Word...not the words of man. Inspired by God in the hearts of those who penned it. The hearts invaded by A living God.

How would you like it if someone twisted your words? Manipulated your statements in order to fit their intentions? Misinterpreted the truth of what you said...?

And did so with the support and participation of millions...

In case you haven't picked up on the fact that I am NOT an Oprah fan, guess what?

I'm NOT.

I haven't been for yeeeaaaaarrrsss. I'm not a fan of anybody who is so arrogant about their own power, while giving no credit to the One who has allowed them to have that power...the very One who gifted them to do far more in this old world...

than to lead millions down the path of hell.

Sound harsh?

Then stop reading.

The truth can be harsh sometimes. The truth can be a hard pill to swallow. But I'll take The Truth over The Lie, any day of the week.

And I'm very passionate about my disapproval of people who boldly misrepresent God and His Word.

His Word has saved my life. His blood was shed to cover my sin. His life was sacrificed so that I might have a future and a hope.

"I still believe in a place called Hope!", Oprah says.

So do I.

And it most definitely isn't found in the humanity found on this Earth, myself included.

My Hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

Would you like to know what Matthew, Mark, and Luke said in the Gospels?

"What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world,

yet forfeits his soul?" (Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, Luke 9:25)

The question is asked of how beneficial it is to us if we gain it all at the price of our soul...? If we have money to burn, power to yield, and love to give & receive...but we're enslaved to the things in life that make all that possible...what have we really gained?

Where does all of our earthly power, and where do all of our earthly possessions find us in eternity? Are we willing to give up an eternal life with our Creator, in order to give in to the things of this world? To reject His BEST for us on this Earth and in the end wind up with nothing? 'Cause that best may or may not include the riches...the power, and the fame that we may have now.

But it sure doesn't include our arrogance towards The Creator...the Giver of all things.

When it all comes to an end

at the point in life where we take our final breath...

what legacy are we leaving behind?

That we were rich and wore all the latest fashions? That we were always well spoken and well groomed? That we worked hard and developed great ideas? That we donated millions to poverty? That we were well educated and had popular friends?

How about that we were a great Mom? A wonderful community leader and volunteer. Someone who sacrificed self to serve others. A person who earned an honest living and took care of their family.

While any of these comments may reflect a positive legacy that any of us would like to be remembered by, if we do not have a relationship with Christ, we will still "forfeit our soul". How?...you might ask.

Because without a personal relationship with Christ, we will lose our soul. Period. And I didn't come up with that "wonderful passage".

God did.

To give credit where credit is due, God did instill in Oprah the desire to give. And she seems to joyfully use that gift. But Oprah needs to stop disrespecting God's words by melding them to fit her image. A good dose of God's truth would be wonderful for her! If she only understood the truth of Who stood up for HER in the biggest historical trial in 2,000 years...she wouldn't care about losing her soul over a historical election.

And I'd be willing to bet she'd give up her gain of "the whole world", to lose her soul to the One Who gave it to her in the first place.

Thank God, there's a place called hope.

It's found in the blood of Jesus.