I'm Valuable

I had a blessed week.  One of my favorite things about God is that He works and blesses you even when your heart feels sad.  Even when you don't feel like lifting a finger.  Even when you aren't impressed with yourself.

I was able to spend time with 2 of my best friends this week.  When able, we all 3 come together and do crazy things...like sleepovers with all of our kids.  And when I say "kids", I mean ALL 11 minus one (Tyler)!!!!!  And sometimes we just get together to play cards...our favs are Hand & Foot, and Phase 10.  It's always so much fun and totally blesses my heart.
I've pondered this week, how do I change how I view myself?  I think that's an interesting question.  A lot of us are probably raised that spending time thinking about yourself or how to improve yourself, in certain ways, is selfish.  And that's true...for some things.  In fact, some may think that because I'm still struggling, I'm being selfish.  I'm realizing that to stop feeling like I'm not very valuable, I'm going to have to take steps to correct that way of thinking.
I know the truth and where it comes from.
Accepting it is far different.  Especially when you've been hurt inside the church.

Truth:  I'm so incredibly valuable that Christ took my punishment, which was death.  And because of my value to Him, He didn't stop there.  He rose from the grave.  I have victory!  I have already won this hurtful battle concerning my self-worth!

Oh, for it to be so easy as just to say it and believe it!  How I would love to snap my fingers and not care about the hurt.


I've got to spend time in His Bible in order to really believe that I'm THAT valuable.  Easier said than done, but for His sake, worth working on.



Today, I'll read one of the many truths that is part of my anatomy as a believer...& begin trusting God A G A I N, and believing.

Lord knows...

Ummm...yes, He does.

Safe & Secure

In cleaning up my blog, I ran across this entry from 2 years ago that I've never published.  I'm sharing it now because God knew that I needed this today.  Dealing with heartache isn't easy.  Sometimes my mind goes to the dark, and I feel worthless.  But as it says in Psalm 30:6, when I feel secure I can say that I'll never be broken.  Lord, show me today that I am secure in You.  Show me that I am not worthless.  No matter what the world may say, or even how "Godly" people treat me, I am Yours and of great value to You.  Thank You for the many years that You've given me a place in ministry to serve You and Your people, and open up a place for me to do so again. 

Read on, Friends...

My 3 year old sleeps with the light on. I'm not sure why he feels so secure with the light on...after all, if a burgular broke in, wouldn't it be better to hide in the dark? Well...he's only 3! So he's probably thinking that the monsters only come out in the dark! And if he can keep the light on, they won't try to eat him. Never mind that I'll try to eat him. I'm his Mama and I nibble on his toes all the time. And he's used to that.

Sometimes, even with the light, Luke gets scared. Last night, he woke me...or rather his Daddy woke me with a "Carmen...Luke is standing next to you and he's whimpering". So being in the fog I am usually in when I sleep, I scooped him right up and snuggled with him under the covers. Under my electric blanket, actually. What???!!! YOU don't sleep with an electric blanket when it's muggy and 90 degrees outside???!!!! Well I do. But that's a different blog on a different day.

I scooped Luke up...in the complete darkness of my room, and he immediately fell asleep. Why would he fall asleep so easily in MY dark room, but wake up crying in HIS room, even though his light is on??!! He had loving, secure arms around him, of course, and he felt safe.

It reminded me of how we are with our Heavenly Father. In the light of day, things seem fine. Happy and cheerful, even. And when our life is going the way we want it to go, that's true. But when we experience hardship, a lot of times we get scared...even though we have the light of His Word that shines on us...in us...and hopefully through us, all of the time.

He has made us secure in His love and sacrifice. We are safe.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5
"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure..." Psalm 16:9
"When I felt secure I said, I will never be shaken." Psalm 30:6

When we realize that security, we feel so safe. Just like Luke snuggling up and sleeping...we have to experience God's secure love for us before we can feel safe enough to let go and sleep in His care.
Maybe running into the Father's waiting arms would be exactly what you need.

He's waiting.

And I promise, you'll be safe and secure in Him.

Find Peace in Christ

Disappointment.  Comes in all shapes and sizes, and from people and places that you'd least expect.

Hi.  My name is Carmen Jones, and I struggle with disappointment (think Bruce on Finding Nemo...only fish isn't a weakness for me!).

In John 16:33, Christ tells us to find our peace in Him...He warns us that in this world, we will have trouble, but to take heart because He has overcome the world.

Disappointment in the world is as common as breathing in and out...I understand that.  In the world, we mingle with all walks of people, some of which have absolutely no Godly convictions whatsoever.

Disappointment in the church?  Tough to handle.

If the expectations we place on our church leaders weren't so high, maybe the disappointment wouldn't be so deep.  Our leaders aren't perfect.  And some church leaders may not belong where they are.  We must keep these things in mind when dealing with disappointment within the church.  While there is no excuse for less than kind and gracious behavior from any church leader (in most situations), our example isn't church leadership.  Our example is God.  He's perfect, and He's always working out every situation for our good.  We never have to rely on a god who makes mistakes, one who doesn't love us, or one who has no control over the situations we find ourselves dealing with in life.  Any and everything that crosses our path, has gone through His capable hands, first.

Hmmmm...

That must mean that He has a plan!
Relieved?
Me too!!!

He sees.  He offers the solution.  He warns us of the danger of not exploring that solution.  He encourages us that He's in control.

Disappointment is normal in this life.  It's a fall from expectation.  But if we will turn it over to The Lord, it will be tough to handle...but not impossible.

Hold On Just A Minute

I have a great life.  Great marriage. 5 great kids.  Great relationships with my family and in-laws. Great friends.  It's all just great.

But I don't feel great today.

I feel discouraged and disappointed.

And doesn't it seem that I feel that way often? Why doesn't God rescue me from these feelings? 

Who am I, anyway? 

 Do these feelings define me?

Well...sometimes they do. When I let 'em.

And BOY! Do I get tired of lettin' 'em!!!!!

So what to do about the days we feel blue? Maybe you feel that something in your life is not fair. Maybe you work in a place where there is no excuse for the situations not to be fair! Maybe everyone around you is happy and content in their positions...but you feel defeated and unhappy. Maybe you are wondering when God is going to show up and place value to your feelings, after all...nobody else does!






While feelings can lie and be horribly difficult to deal with, God can and will use those feelings to draw us to Him. And that's so good! Because most of the time that we may feel hopeless, it's because we've tried it all on our own, and put our pointy finger up in the holding pattern, communicating to God, that we want Him to wait a minute.

REALLY???!!!!

Our CREATOR. SAVIOR. REDEEMER. FATHER. FRIEND. DOCTOR. HEALER. ADVISER. COUNSELOR. LIFE'S BREATH...

"Hold on a minute, Lord. I'm doing something here."

"And what might that be?"

"I'm doing what You want me to do!"

"And how do you know what I want you to do?"

"ummm...'cause You told me"

"I did? When was that?"

"A couple of months ago..."

"WOW! You mean to tell Me that you missed what I told you this morning??!!!"

"I didn't miss anything! You told me to do exactly what I'm doing!"

"Dude! You missed a whopper of a blessing this morning because you're doing what you're doing!"

"Then why didn't You tell me?!?!?"

"I did."

Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves, that we completely and utterly MISS what God had in mind for us! Not to mention the days that we drift through, telling God what we're doing, and asking Him to bless it for us.

What we need to be doing, is walking so close with Him, that it's hard to throw us off track.

But I am certainly tossed around at times. I relate so much to Casting Crowns, when they sing, "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow...a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind...".

I am so unworthy to be able to serve or call upon my Jesus! But the greatest words in this song swell up my heart..."still You, hear me when I'm calling, Lord, You catch me when I'm falling, and You've told me who I am...

I am Yours."

Sometimes, that is all I need to hear.

No matter what happens in a day...or how I am disappointed...I belong to God. And He will spend the rest of my life telling me so...

if I'll put my "wait a minute" finger down.

Beautiful by Bethany Dillion

I was so unique...

Now I feel skin deep.

I count on the make-up to cover it all...

Crying myself to sleep 'cause I cannot keep their attention.

I thought I could be strong, but it's killing me.

Does someone hear my cry?  I'm dying for new life!

I want to be beautiful...

Make you stand in awe.

Look inside my heart, and be amazed.

I want to hear you say Who I am is quite enough.

Just want to be worthy of love,

And beautiful .

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me,

Fighting to make the mirror happy.

Trying to find whatever is missing...

Won't you help me back to glory?

You make me beautiful!

You make me stand in awe!

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed!

I love to hear You say Who I am is quite enough!

You make me worthy of love and beautiful!

Finding My Way...

My first week not working outside the home in 3 years finds me busy.  Our family is a "Safe Families" family...meaning...we are approved to host the children of parents who are in temporarily difficult situations.This week, we are hosting 4 siblings.  We've had these children once before...for 3 weeks...and the sweet family who received them after us decided to foster them.  This week, that family is out of town and asked if we could host them again.  WOW!  What a change in these precious siblings!  Everything from lighter hair to glasses, to better manners...these children are in the best of care.
 Hosting can be a little bit stressful the first time.  Even with our large family, it's hard to be prepared for a child or children that you don't know.  But there is a common thread among all children.  They need love and consistency.  Once given those 2 things...they will absolutely thrive.
So God is keeping me busy, thankfully.  Helping to keep my mind off of the loss of one of my favorite jobs EVER.  I miss the volunteers and my duties so much.  Loved organizing and equipping people to successfully teach our beautiful young children about the love that God has for them.  Missed all those sweet hugs I usually receive from my little preschoolers...teachers...parents...and the volunteers.  There's nothing like pouring into other people.  Makes my heart soar.  My prayer is that all the years that I've faithfully put into them will live on...that my service has created gold confetti for my Lord to throw around in the air.  I want my service to withstand the fire and honor God.  Really, our life goal should be that very thing...and not because we work at a church.  No matter what you do with the days He gives you, you should do it in such a way as to add to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...live in such a way that the fire can't destroy the good works you do for Him.

The siblings are going to camp everyday this week except Thursday, and I'll haul them and mine to the pool for some fun in the sun.  We are also visiting friends this week and possibly a new little church in the hills.  As I go along this week, I'm not only trying to add to my heavenly stash of confetti, but I'm mindful of teaching the siblings, and my own precious children how to do the same.  And to do that...I must show them all the 2 things that will make them thrive.

That will definitely keep me busy.