Parenting can be so harsh at times. The ugly 'ole devil desperately wants us to parent with a guilty conscience. If he can convince us to parent our children out of guilt, he knows something we often don't...the high cost that is billed to our children as a result of parenting that way. See, feeling guilty towards how we acted or reacted will cause often cause us to go against what we KNOW to be the best thing for them. And compromise leads to destruction...devastation...death.
Parenting out of a sense of guilt is sinful.
Now before you decide that I've really lost it this time, consider this scenario:
A Mom who has suffered the heartbreaking tragedy of delivering a baby that lived a few hours then died, discovers a short time later that her husband, who was her high-school sweetheart, is having an affair. Along with suffering from the loss of her baby, she's dealing with humiliation from the unfaithfulness of her husband (who happens to be chairman of the deacons at their church), and the knowledge of that unfaithfulness throughout their community, as they are both prominent figures within their church and the local school system. Consider the anguish that this precious woman is enduring. Consider the overwhelming sense of loss she must have experienced during this time in her life. And consider that she has a 3 year old toddler to raise in the midst of this present storm. The father of that toddler turns back to his family, but spends a lifetime trying to make-up for past mistakes...both with his wife and with his son. Thus leading him to parent out of guilt. Guilt for not being there for his wife during the loss of their 2nd child. Guilt for having an affair with another woman. Guilt for compromising truth for untruth, and not being the man that God called him to be. Guilt for choosing to not support his family. And a wife that will spend a lifetime struggling with all of these things. That guilt causes the father to "let things slide" with his son, that should have been corrected. That guilt reminds the father to "go lightly" on the son, even when the son has clearly and blatantly done wrong. Why? Because not only does the father have to struggle with his guilt, he must also struggle with his wife's inability to move past his failures. So the wife spends her parenting days attempting to fill in the gaps with her son, not allowing the father to teach their son discipline...taking away much of the father's authority.
Guilt-parenting can ruin a child's life. To avoid this trap that the devil has inconspicuously laid out there for us, we must understand authority. And we must understand that punishment is good, and obedience & discipline are even better.
In Genesis chapter 1:1, it says, "In the beginning God...". God established His authority with the first 4 words in the Bible.
God IS. Period.
That's all He had to say in order to establish the truth about His authority. God IS, and He always has been. There is no other entity that is before Him. Everything created falls under His authority. And by-the-way..
He's not a creation. He just IS.
In chapter 3:23, we see God's authority in action. He had already cursed the devil, set the woman in her place, and punished the man. But God didn't stop there. In verse 23, God "sent him (Adam) away from the garden of Eden to work...", verse 24, "He drove man out...".
God did NOT say, "Oh I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about the devil" OR "I know it's tempting, so I'll give you one more chance" OR "I wouldn't want to be cursed, so I'm not going to curse you"...and He definitely didn't say, "It's not your fault...you didn't ask to be created, so I'm not going to hold you responsible for doing wrong".
As much as His heart hurt for Adam and Eve, God did not waver on His authority and discipline in their lives. And because God ALWAYS "sticks to His guns", we have Jesus, and we have the gift of eternal life if we choose Christ. Aren't you glad that God's word is never broken?
While I was never a kid who enjoyed getting punished when I had done wrong, I am so glad that my parents didn't "lighten up" on me because they were parenting out of guilt. I had a great childhood...not perfect-nobody's is...but great. And I've always tried to make my little one's childhood experience a great one. But like anyone else, I have struggled at times with not wanting to enforce discipline with my children, because I love them and would rather have all positive experiences with them. Problem is...that's not showing love to your kids.
It's like overeating.
In chapter 3:23, we see God's authority in action. He had already cursed the devil, set the woman in her place, and punished the man. But God didn't stop there. In verse 23, God "sent him (Adam) away from the garden of Eden to work...", verse 24, "He drove man out...".
God did NOT say, "Oh I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about the devil" OR "I know it's tempting, so I'll give you one more chance" OR "I wouldn't want to be cursed, so I'm not going to curse you"...and He definitely didn't say, "It's not your fault...you didn't ask to be created, so I'm not going to hold you responsible for doing wrong".
As much as His heart hurt for Adam and Eve, God did not waver on His authority and discipline in their lives. And because God ALWAYS "sticks to His guns", we have Jesus, and we have the gift of eternal life if we choose Christ. Aren't you glad that God's word is never broken?
While I was never a kid who enjoyed getting punished when I had done wrong, I am so glad that my parents didn't "lighten up" on me because they were parenting out of guilt. I had a great childhood...not perfect-nobody's is...but great. And I've always tried to make my little one's childhood experience a great one. But like anyone else, I have struggled at times with not wanting to enforce discipline with my children, because I love them and would rather have all positive experiences with them. Problem is...that's not showing love to your kids.
It's like overeating.
If you don't discipline yourself...
exhibit self-control, you will overeat and be overweight and unhealthy.
exhibit self-control, you will overeat and be overweight and unhealthy.
It's not good for you!
How can you love your body...love who you are...and not take care of yourself?
Loving your children means preparing them to meet the challenges that life will certainly send their way. Life WILL be brutal at times. And if you haven't prepared your child to handle that, what kind of price will they have to pay? If you've parented them out of guilt, so that they don't really understand authority and discipline, do you really think they will respect authority when they are adults? I think not! Will they know how to use discipline to their advantage as adults? Not if you haven't helped them understand discipline as a child!
In saying all this, I must point out that when Adam & Eve disobeyed God, He not only disciplined them, but He punished them as well.
Discipline IS punishment, right?
Actually, the word "discipline" has 6 definitions. It's the context in which discipline is used that makes it punishment...or instruction...or self-control...a field of study...training...or a rule.
Take another look at Genesis. In verses 16-19, God lays out the plan of punishment for the devil, Eve, & Adam. "Because you have done this" He says to the devil serpent. "I will intensify your labor pains" He says to Eve (THANKS EVE!). And "Because you listened to your wife's voice and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'Do not eat from it', the ground is cursed because of you." God said to Adam. It's a punishment felt through the ages, no doubt!
Here's a bit of discipline for you---"...He stationed cherubim with a flaming, whirling sword to guard the way to the tree of life". God had to put the cherubim there to keep sin out. Discipline for the people! God basically said, "Dude...since y'all can't stay away from it on your own, I'm going to post guards to keep you from my ultimate punishment...which is an eternity without me".
God sure loved Adam & Eve a lot. And He loves us a lot. In fact, He loves us with his own son's life. What a gift!
And He expects us to extend the same knowledge to our children. Love them by disciplining them. That's how they learn. They must understand your authority over them as a parent.
Do you understand God's authority over us? Take a few minutes to check out the book of Genesis...and Exodus. It will help you start to understand why God couldn't just make excuses for Adam & Eve's sin. You'll have a better grasp on why authority and discipline are so important.
And during those difficult growing times, when you may not even like your child...you can still show them love by being firm.
And guilt-free.
Loving your children means preparing them to meet the challenges that life will certainly send their way. Life WILL be brutal at times. And if you haven't prepared your child to handle that, what kind of price will they have to pay? If you've parented them out of guilt, so that they don't really understand authority and discipline, do you really think they will respect authority when they are adults? I think not! Will they know how to use discipline to their advantage as adults? Not if you haven't helped them understand discipline as a child!
In saying all this, I must point out that when Adam & Eve disobeyed God, He not only disciplined them, but He punished them as well.
Discipline IS punishment, right?
Actually, the word "discipline" has 6 definitions. It's the context in which discipline is used that makes it punishment...or instruction...or self-control...a field of study...training...or a rule.
Take another look at Genesis. In verses 16-19, God lays out the plan of punishment for the devil, Eve, & Adam. "Because you have done this" He says to the devil serpent. "I will intensify your labor pains" He says to Eve (THANKS EVE!). And "Because you listened to your wife's voice and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'Do not eat from it', the ground is cursed because of you." God said to Adam. It's a punishment felt through the ages, no doubt!
Here's a bit of discipline for you---"...He stationed cherubim with a flaming, whirling sword to guard the way to the tree of life". God had to put the cherubim there to keep sin out. Discipline for the people! God basically said, "Dude...since y'all can't stay away from it on your own, I'm going to post guards to keep you from my ultimate punishment...which is an eternity without me".
God sure loved Adam & Eve a lot. And He loves us a lot. In fact, He loves us with his own son's life. What a gift!
And He expects us to extend the same knowledge to our children. Love them by disciplining them. That's how they learn. They must understand your authority over them as a parent.
Do you understand God's authority over us? Take a few minutes to check out the book of Genesis...and Exodus. It will help you start to understand why God couldn't just make excuses for Adam & Eve's sin. You'll have a better grasp on why authority and discipline are so important.
And during those difficult growing times, when you may not even like your child...you can still show them love by being firm.
And guilt-free.
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