Parental Respect

The virus is in the process of passing...it's almost dead. And we're still alive. Barely. But I'll blog on that later.

God gave me a miraculous truth last week...a precious gift...and I should have blogged it out then. It's concerning the respect our children should show us as parents.

And with all the hoopla over Christmas gifts, here is one you definitely want to check out.

Exodus 20:12 says, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

I've always laughed when I've run across that verse over the years. It reminds me of when my Grandmother and Mother would say...
"You BETTER honor your father and mother or I'll kill ya!". So I guess that's what God meant when He said to honor your parents so that you may live a long life? Because my understanding while growing up was that if I didn't honor 'em, they'd kill me! HAHAHAHA!!! And I can think of plenty of times when they might actually have spent more than a split second on that very thought!!!
Sometimes I wonder if that verse shouldn't say, "Honor your father and your mother, so that THEY may live long..."!!! After all, it really seems that parents are more stressed and inconvenienced when their children choose to dishonor, disobey, or disrespect their parents.

Honor.
Obedience.
Respect.

Throughout His Word, God speaks strongly of us honoring, obeying, and respecting our parents. Unfortunately, that doesn't always sink in the way He intended. No surprise to Him! But whether you are a parent, you have a parent, or both...having a relationship the way God intended for us to do can often be a challenge.
Especially if you're a teenager and you know it all.
We've been experiencing an issue with my precious older son and his mouth...rather...his disrespectful tone of voice with his Mother. After a particularly ugly school morning a few weeks ago, I began to feel like God really MUST take naps...or sleep in...or go on vacation.

In frustration, I asked Him, "Did You HEAR that?".

"Did You hear the way that my son just spoke to me? WHY do You allow him to talk to me like that? Why haven't You struck him down somehow? I just can't deal with this anymore!", I told my Creator.

I began to feel the "apron strings" loosening of their own accord. And honestly, that has been a gradual thing. It seems that every time I've dealt with my son on this issue, God has allowed me to become more unemotional towards this situation. And I believe it's because He needs to work without me being a "basket-case".

See...I love that boy more than I can ever describe. Truth is, I love ALL of my children and am crazily attached to them. I'll be the Mother-In-Law that is a pest, most likely. I'm sure that's one of the biggest reasons that I have more girls than boys. Because whatever woman God brings to either of my boys, will have to deal with the Mama. And that would be ME.

Currently, I am the most important woman in the lives of my boys. And when God dares to shift that status...
I will likely take issue with Him on that!

I am not a basket-case (you were thinkin' it!). I just love my kids. And I'm interested in them, too. I like who they are becoming...just don't like for the "typical teen attitude" to slip in and mess them up.
So in my frustration and deflation in dealing with my boy, God had an answer. And one that didn't just apply to myself and my 17 year old. But an answer that applied to each of my children right down the line to "baby" Luke.
It's simple:

Children, honor your parents.
As a parent, it is up to YOU to teach your children how to do that. We sometimes think that because God said it in His Word, that all we have to do is say it a few more times, and our children will do it. Even though they don't know how. What child was born into this world, automatically knowing how to honor, obey, and respect his/her parents? That's ridiculous! They can't even feed themselves or take basic care of themselves, so why would they know how to follow scripture? They wouldn't know how.

And it's up to us to teach them.
Just last week, this issue came up several times with different mommies that I know. Specifically, the Moms were expressing their frustration in disciplining their child in a way that the child could perceive as a double standard. The fear that spanking their child would be perceived as "hitting", when hitting is not allowed. How the devil uses that against us! But we must realize that there is such a thing as authority. And we must teach our darling little ones all about that. And there IS a difference in what Mommy can do, and what baby can do. If there wasn't, our children wouldn't need parents. These truths are valuable and the truth is that there is a difference between "hitting" and using spanking (out of love) to discipline your child. And I'll tell you something about authority. You better teach it to your babies, because if you don't...someone else will. And you won't at all like the way that the world teaches your children about authority. Don't let the devil confuse you. Just ask the Lord to speak. He will. And LOUDLY, sometimes!

On the very morning that my husband and I were discussing this issue concerning my son, Dennis Rainey was discussing it on his 90 second radio broadcast, 'Real FamilyLife'. Dennis was talking about how men have to step in and protect their wives from disrespectful children. He described how he took their teenage son to dinner one night and talked to him about how challenging his Mother would not be tolerated. I was FLOORED! Not that I thought God was really sleeping in that morning, but I struggled in finding an answer to being a loving Mom and a necessary disciplinarian at the same time. I never want my children to think that I don't love them or don't care about their struggles! But at the same time, their frustrations must be expressed to me in the manner in which God desires them to be. Simply put..

Disrespect can NOT be tolerated in this home.

We can't afford to allow this issue to get out of hand. There are four more children growing up in this precious home, and what we teach them in the parent-child relationship will spill over into every other relationship they ever have. Work, marriage, social...you name it.

Even their relationship with Christ.

If your children don't respect your authority,
they will not respect Christ' authority.

Earlier, I expressed to you that they needed to be taught honor, obedience, and respect. Guess where they will learn that? In your home. And it begins with the relationship between husband and wife. Whatever they witness between their parents will be a blueprint for how they learn to relate to others and Christ, on their own.

Dean & I have to work hard in our own relationship to put forth a good example for these children. Sometimes our example is not a good one, and sometimes it's the best one. But knowing the primary source for a child's learning these virtues is vital to being able to teach them successfully.

The Lord revealed to me last week that I had allowed my children to cross the line concerning the respect they give to me. We are now working on a "no tolerance" policy in our home in regards to respect. No huffing, no eye-rolling, no arguing. When they are told to do something, they are expected to obey, out of respect for me. And guess what? It's not as hard as I thought it would be. There most definitely are times when I grow weary of being "firm" with them, but the benefits and lesson for my children and myself are worth it. God MADE children with the desire to respect and obey their parents. And when we put aside our fear of "coming across the wrong way", and actually TEACH them, God will honor that. What a valuable lesson...gift...to pass on to our precious children!

It is, as I've always known it to be...if we spend the time with our children to teach them, we will have more of the relationship with them that God intended us to have. If we as parents will respect the time that God has given us.

And realize once again that time is a gift from Him.

We can waste it and struggle through parenting. Or we can use it the way God intended for us to, and experience many more blessings than we ever imagined. Doesn't mean that we won't struggle, but it DOES mean that struggling will not be how we define our relationship with our children.

Now THAT'S a Christmas gift worth opening!