In Need of Restoration: The Time of My Life

The past year has gone by sooooo quickly. I am getting ready to hit my one year mark in blogging. It's been an amazing year! I must admit that this blog has been incredibly therapeutic for me. And I've been discovering that this time in my life is actually the time of my life. Throughout the various challenges of the past year, I'm realizing just how true what my parents have said before, "You better enjoy this stage of your life...it IS the good old days!" (speaking of childhood and early parenting). Through sleepless nights associated with having little ones (ear infections, bad dreams, etc.), and in solving life's problems in the mind of my 9 year old, God is showing me that the precious life He's given us is unique...and fun. There are always going to be frustrations in life. But God wants us simply to grow from those experiences, and enjoy life.

When I began blogging last June, my heart was heavy. I had just been diagnosed with OCD and was fighting the urge to rearrange my pillows every 10 minutes! I was also struggling with the fact that my teenage son Tyler, was entering his last year of high school. And I felt that he was in no way ready for the challenges that would come after that.

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I remember something my Doctor told me in his office...it didn't make much since to me at the time (as I was so focused on Dyson and book bags!), but hindsight is 20/20, eh? He said, "Once you realize that your son is going to make it...he's going to be okay...you'll likely be able to reduce your medication or even come completely off of it".

Huh?

What did letting go of my fears concerning my son have to do with vacuuming the carpet 2 or 3 times per day?

How did struggling with his final years as a "kid" connect with my need to wipe down my kitchen counters over and over again (or count my cash till 6 times at Beth's sale...aka...The Picky Chic)?

You get the idea. I wasn't able to see the relation of his comment to my obsessive behaviour until I was able to "let go and let God".

Let go and let God...

May seem to be an overused, cornball phrase, but it's actually something we fail to do in our everyday lives.

I decided last October, to stop taking my OCD medication. And no...I don't believe in Oprah & her "professionals" when they talk about the ability to heal yourself on your own. If there was ANY merit to that, my Grandmother Thomas would still be on this Earth, as well as my precious Pa. Oprah is ridiculous...but that's a different blog! I had moved into the realm of sleeplessness because of the medication, so I decided to take a break. The REAL break came back in February sometime, when I realized that Tyler would either make it or break it on his own. He was failing his Senior English class, of which, he would be required to pass in order to graduate. The old fear started creeping into my heart. But I'd had enough, so I told God that it was "His problem" if Tyler didn't pass. I decided that I had done all I could do as Tyler's Mother. Not given him everything...not given in to everything...but definitely done all I could do to raise him the way that I know God called me to raise him.

And when we come to that point...that's when we experience peace and true understanding that God is REALLY the One in control. It's never us, anyway! And I began to understand what the Doctor meant when he made that comment so many months ago in his office.

Whether you believe in God or not, at some point you have to realize that you are NOT in control of your life. Sure...you can make major decisions, as well as minor decisions, that effect your life in big ways. But you're still not in ultimate control of your life. If you do believe in God, and especially if you have a relationship with Him...then you know Who actually has ultimate control. And you're grateful beyond measure for that!

I can't fully express to you the load that was lifted from me when I threw up my hands and said, "If he graduates...that's great! If he doesn't...OH WELL!".
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Tyler belongs to God. And God has Tyler's best interest in mind. If Tyler chooses to veer off the path that God has created in his best interest...that doesn't mean that God is surprised or that God doesn't have a path that He'll allow Tyler to follow as an alternate to His original path.

Can you see the map yet?

" And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28 nas

God's map says that He will work all things together for our good. No matter how hard we try or how far we go off the beaten path, God will not give up on us. Therefore, I knew that if Tyler failed his class and didn't graduate, God was already all over that! And if GOD is all over it, what do I have to worry about?

My OCD isn't completely satisfied. I still itch when the house isn't "picked up" or when the kids throw their stuff down on the floor (I have hives as I type this-hahahha!!!). And I still have a passionate love for my Dyson! But I no longer check the couches before I turn off the lights for bed. I don't freak when I find somebodies shoes piled up in a corner (or even out in the middle of the room!). And I only counted my till 2 times at the spring Picky Chic sale...BTW...let me give credit to Beth for the very special way she celebrated my birthday with a yummy piece of cake and a serenade from the crowd of workers/shoppers on the first day of the spring sale. I felt so loved and am so appreciative of her for that!!!

My OCD may never be completely satisfied. And it may rear it's frustratingly ugly head when I least expect it. But my God is an awesome God! And He works it all for my good, as well as for the good of anyone around me who loves Him. Sometimes we just need to trust Him. He has the perfect remedy, and He's waiting for us to take it. It's called....

Letting go.

And it requires us to let Him deal with it. No matter what we're faced with...the death of a loved one...a sickness...a frustrating day...a financial hardship...or even things like brushing my teeth 4 times a day.

My Tyler managed to pass his Senior English class. And in the days to follow, our family celebrated his graduation.
And in celebrating that, we didn't just praise God for a passing grade.

We gave thanks for a family...for a Godly heritage...for a supportive network made up of people who love Tyler and care about his future.

Right now, he's stepping out

to what that future may hold.