Trusting God

 

6 years ago I experienced one of, if not THE, deepest hurts I've had in this life.

No...my husband wasn't unfaithful.  My children are all healthy.  I was not involved in violence.  I have not had major health issues.  My hurt was heart related.  

My heart was broken...shattered.  By those who should've known better.  I was treated badly.  And they should've known better.

You might be thinking that I'm dramatic...a bit of a "hot mess".  And maybe I am.  But this is my hurt, not yours.  And this thing that it's morphed into, has changed my perspective.  It's changed the way I do things.  It's changed the way I make friends and the level of trust I allow another person to stand on.

It's changed my relationship with the LORD.  In good ways...and in some of the most challenging ways I've ever experienced as I've walked with Him.

                                    Trust 

is a much bigger word than I realized it was 6 years ago.  And since that time, I've had to decide if I'm going to...trust others...

trust God.

I've had to decide if I'm going to stay on the island that I retreated to, so long ago.  If I'm satisfied with that.

I told myself for years that it was safer on that island.  That I loved being there.  And my gracious heavenly Father allowed me to stay there for a time.And then He moved me.                  And that island wasn't enough.  

Hearers Only

"Be doers of the Word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  Because if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man looking at his own face in a mirror;  for he looks at himself, goes away, and right away forgets what kind of man he was.  But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perserveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer who acts -this person will be blessed in what he does.
If anyone thinks he is religious, without controlling his tongue but deceiving his heart, his religion is useless.  Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world."  James 1:  22-27

WOW!  Some pretty strong words from God's servant, James, on whether or not we actually live out His Word.  A lot of Christians do not.  They attend church.  They try to do good things.  They donate their unwanted items to Goodwill.  They sing in choir or volunteer for the food drive.  Or both.  Not that those things are bad, but do they produce growth...do they draw our hearts closer to Him...do we even do them for the right reason with the right attitude of humility towards God?

What James is talking about here is having enough humility to seek to be right with God by doing what He says in His Word and not just knowing what it says to do.

If we're honest, we must admit that we struggle with that.

Doing requires action and sacrifice with the right attitude.  But most the time we don't have time for action and sacrifice, and we're too impatient to have the right attitude!

Unless it's sacrificing time to watch our favorite tv show.  Or play on Facebook.  Maybe surf Ebay for some treasure.  Run our kids all over the place to meet commitment requirements that keep us living out of our cars.

That's life, right?

Wrong.

That's absolutely NOT the "doing" that James is talking about OR that God desires for our lives.  The doing that we should be about is personalizing our knowledge of God by studying His Word for our own sake.  So that we remain humble and remember who we are and Who He Is.  
That heart felt attitude will motivate us to put feet to our faith in an extraordinary way.

No PhD can teach us that.  Only our humble attitude to truly know Him in a right relationship with Him will help us choose doing over hearing only.

Take a look at the warning clearly presented to us in this passage:  "deceiving yourselves", "forgets", and "deceiving his heart".  That's some scary stuff to me.  Because if we don't know Christ on an intimate level, we will easily be deceived, forgetting who we are and Who He Is.  Our hearts will be deceived, which leads to a kind of hardening that is not easily changed.  And generally, we don't recognize any of that!



And that's exactly how the devil wants to destroy us.

We must ACT...DO...to avoid losing intimacy with God and being deceived by the devil.  There is no other way.  No degree to save us.  Just a relationship.

With Christ.

29 Again?...

I always joke about my age.  And every birthday, my claim is that I'm "29 again".


But let me say that I'm truly grateful for all the years that God has blessed me with on this Earth.  I'm not gonna lie...there have been some challenging years! This past year was one of those that will be memorable for painful reasons.  But even through it...God has never failed me.  God has never left me.  I still know Christ died for me and because I've given my heart & life to Him, I am His.

My goal is still to pass that on to my children.  My goal is still to pass that on to other people.

People express how amazed they are at Jesus.  At the love of God.  At His goodness.  And I am too.  But one of the most profound things to me about my Jesus...my God...is that He is still there even though I fail.  He's still working even though I'm lazy & don't care.  Even though I lack motivation to move through my day so many times, He's still there speaking.  He's crazy AMAZING for those reasons.  He makes things happen that LET ME KNOW THAT HE KNOWS I'M HERE.  And THAT'S amazing!  Even with His busy schedule, I am His beloved princess.

So I spend another year of my blessed life, trying to hang on and do as I always encouraged my sweet Moms to do when we met for MOPS years ago...

Don't just survive life...whatever stage you're in...but THRIVE.

Some years involve seasons that aren't fun to go through.  But God is still there.  And He wants you to trust Him to fill in the cracks. 

Believe me...over all these birthdays & years...He's done A. LOT. OF. CONSTRUCTION. IN. MY. LIFE.

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday Carmen Denise...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!!!!!

I'm Valuable

I had a blessed week.  One of my favorite things about God is that He works and blesses you even when your heart feels sad.  Even when you don't feel like lifting a finger.  Even when you aren't impressed with yourself.

I was able to spend time with 2 of my best friends this week.  When able, we all 3 come together and do crazy things...like sleepovers with all of our kids.  And when I say "kids", I mean ALL 11 minus one (Tyler)!!!!!  And sometimes we just get together to play cards...our favs are Hand & Foot, and Phase 10.  It's always so much fun and totally blesses my heart.
I've pondered this week, how do I change how I view myself?  I think that's an interesting question.  A lot of us are probably raised that spending time thinking about yourself or how to improve yourself, in certain ways, is selfish.  And that's true...for some things.  In fact, some may think that because I'm still struggling, I'm being selfish.  I'm realizing that to stop feeling like I'm not very valuable, I'm going to have to take steps to correct that way of thinking.
I know the truth and where it comes from.
Accepting it is far different.  Especially when you've been hurt inside the church.

Truth:  I'm so incredibly valuable that Christ took my punishment, which was death.  And because of my value to Him, He didn't stop there.  He rose from the grave.  I have victory!  I have already won this hurtful battle concerning my self-worth!

Oh, for it to be so easy as just to say it and believe it!  How I would love to snap my fingers and not care about the hurt.


I've got to spend time in His Bible in order to really believe that I'm THAT valuable.  Easier said than done, but for His sake, worth working on.



Today, I'll read one of the many truths that is part of my anatomy as a believer...& begin trusting God A G A I N, and believing.

Lord knows...

Ummm...yes, He does.

Safe & Secure

In cleaning up my blog, I ran across this entry from 2 years ago that I've never published.  I'm sharing it now because God knew that I needed this today.  Dealing with heartache isn't easy.  Sometimes my mind goes to the dark, and I feel worthless.  But as it says in Psalm 30:6, when I feel secure I can say that I'll never be broken.  Lord, show me today that I am secure in You.  Show me that I am not worthless.  No matter what the world may say, or even how "Godly" people treat me, I am Yours and of great value to You.  Thank You for the many years that You've given me a place in ministry to serve You and Your people, and open up a place for me to do so again. 

Read on, Friends...

My 3 year old sleeps with the light on. I'm not sure why he feels so secure with the light on...after all, if a burgular broke in, wouldn't it be better to hide in the dark? Well...he's only 3! So he's probably thinking that the monsters only come out in the dark! And if he can keep the light on, they won't try to eat him. Never mind that I'll try to eat him. I'm his Mama and I nibble on his toes all the time. And he's used to that.

Sometimes, even with the light, Luke gets scared. Last night, he woke me...or rather his Daddy woke me with a "Carmen...Luke is standing next to you and he's whimpering". So being in the fog I am usually in when I sleep, I scooped him right up and snuggled with him under the covers. Under my electric blanket, actually. What???!!! YOU don't sleep with an electric blanket when it's muggy and 90 degrees outside???!!!! Well I do. But that's a different blog on a different day.

I scooped Luke up...in the complete darkness of my room, and he immediately fell asleep. Why would he fall asleep so easily in MY dark room, but wake up crying in HIS room, even though his light is on??!! He had loving, secure arms around him, of course, and he felt safe.

It reminded me of how we are with our Heavenly Father. In the light of day, things seem fine. Happy and cheerful, even. And when our life is going the way we want it to go, that's true. But when we experience hardship, a lot of times we get scared...even though we have the light of His Word that shines on us...in us...and hopefully through us, all of the time.

He has made us secure in His love and sacrifice. We are safe.

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5
"Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure..." Psalm 16:9
"When I felt secure I said, I will never be shaken." Psalm 30:6

When we realize that security, we feel so safe. Just like Luke snuggling up and sleeping...we have to experience God's secure love for us before we can feel safe enough to let go and sleep in His care.
Maybe running into the Father's waiting arms would be exactly what you need.

He's waiting.

And I promise, you'll be safe and secure in Him.

Find Peace in Christ

Disappointment.  Comes in all shapes and sizes, and from people and places that you'd least expect.

Hi.  My name is Carmen Jones, and I struggle with disappointment (think Bruce on Finding Nemo...only fish isn't a weakness for me!).

In John 16:33, Christ tells us to find our peace in Him...He warns us that in this world, we will have trouble, but to take heart because He has overcome the world.

Disappointment in the world is as common as breathing in and out...I understand that.  In the world, we mingle with all walks of people, some of which have absolutely no Godly convictions whatsoever.

Disappointment in the church?  Tough to handle.

If the expectations we place on our church leaders weren't so high, maybe the disappointment wouldn't be so deep.  Our leaders aren't perfect.  And some church leaders may not belong where they are.  We must keep these things in mind when dealing with disappointment within the church.  While there is no excuse for less than kind and gracious behavior from any church leader (in most situations), our example isn't church leadership.  Our example is God.  He's perfect, and He's always working out every situation for our good.  We never have to rely on a god who makes mistakes, one who doesn't love us, or one who has no control over the situations we find ourselves dealing with in life.  Any and everything that crosses our path, has gone through His capable hands, first.

Hmmmm...

That must mean that He has a plan!
Relieved?
Me too!!!

He sees.  He offers the solution.  He warns us of the danger of not exploring that solution.  He encourages us that He's in control.

Disappointment is normal in this life.  It's a fall from expectation.  But if we will turn it over to The Lord, it will be tough to handle...but not impossible.

Hold On Just A Minute

I have a great life.  Great marriage. 5 great kids.  Great relationships with my family and in-laws. Great friends.  It's all just great.

But I don't feel great today.

I feel discouraged and disappointed.

And doesn't it seem that I feel that way often? Why doesn't God rescue me from these feelings? 

Who am I, anyway? 

 Do these feelings define me?

Well...sometimes they do. When I let 'em.

And BOY! Do I get tired of lettin' 'em!!!!!

So what to do about the days we feel blue? Maybe you feel that something in your life is not fair. Maybe you work in a place where there is no excuse for the situations not to be fair! Maybe everyone around you is happy and content in their positions...but you feel defeated and unhappy. Maybe you are wondering when God is going to show up and place value to your feelings, after all...nobody else does!






While feelings can lie and be horribly difficult to deal with, God can and will use those feelings to draw us to Him. And that's so good! Because most of the time that we may feel hopeless, it's because we've tried it all on our own, and put our pointy finger up in the holding pattern, communicating to God, that we want Him to wait a minute.

REALLY???!!!!

Our CREATOR. SAVIOR. REDEEMER. FATHER. FRIEND. DOCTOR. HEALER. ADVISER. COUNSELOR. LIFE'S BREATH...

"Hold on a minute, Lord. I'm doing something here."

"And what might that be?"

"I'm doing what You want me to do!"

"And how do you know what I want you to do?"

"ummm...'cause You told me"

"I did? When was that?"

"A couple of months ago..."

"WOW! You mean to tell Me that you missed what I told you this morning??!!!"

"I didn't miss anything! You told me to do exactly what I'm doing!"

"Dude! You missed a whopper of a blessing this morning because you're doing what you're doing!"

"Then why didn't You tell me?!?!?"

"I did."

Sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves, that we completely and utterly MISS what God had in mind for us! Not to mention the days that we drift through, telling God what we're doing, and asking Him to bless it for us.

What we need to be doing, is walking so close with Him, that it's hard to throw us off track.

But I am certainly tossed around at times. I relate so much to Casting Crowns, when they sing, "I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow...a wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind...".

I am so unworthy to be able to serve or call upon my Jesus! But the greatest words in this song swell up my heart..."still You, hear me when I'm calling, Lord, You catch me when I'm falling, and You've told me who I am...

I am Yours."

Sometimes, that is all I need to hear.

No matter what happens in a day...or how I am disappointed...I belong to God. And He will spend the rest of my life telling me so...

if I'll put my "wait a minute" finger down.